The Mummy (2017)
“This is not a tomb…it’s a prison.” In the screengrab below, the wholly unlikable douche Nick Morton (Tom Cruise) resigns to a death sentence and pulls the parachute on his […]
Category Archives: Action
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (2017)
“Is it okay that I’m kind of loving this?” If you were to trade out the deviant bromance of Superbad for childish potty humor and sprinkle in a dose of Ferris Bueller’s Day […]
Wonder Woman (2017)
“I am not what you thought I was.” Wonder Woman seems to have been conceived through a simple yet radical notion for the film industry; what if you made a gigantic […]
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)
“Filthy pirate.” Pirates of the Caribbean has become what I’d like to label a tee-ball franchise. The hits are easy and don’t sail very far even with such below average hand-eye coordination, […]
Baywatch (2017)
“Stuck junk is stuck junk.” You probably shouldn’t see this movie if you’re easily turned off by a bounty of cleavage or an onslaught of penis jokes; the film’s focus on […]
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)
“Something doesn’t smell right.” The brash, combative, utterly unfunny King Arthur: Legend of the Sword reads as the embodiment of the above quote. It’s the crimson tainted hunk of beef […]
Snatched (2017)
“You don’t have any direction in life.” It is not lost on me that there have been quite a few comedies I’ve loathed that some readers still managed to enjoy, or […]
Free Fire (2017)
“I’m in it for myself.” Just because your movie is titled Free Fire and that its tagline is “All guns. No control.” doesn’t mean the picture can/should be made without minimal restraint […]
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
“It’s too adorable to kill.” As a fan of the original, as well as a firm believer that it’s just a wee bit overrated, I must say that Guardians of the […]
The Lost City of Z (2017)
“A man’s reach should exceed his grasp.” Bearing an undeniable and perhaps even indelible likeness to the sweeping and grandiose pictures of classic aged cinema, The Lost City of Z unfolds […]
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