“It was a mistake.”

Plagued by horrible acting, lazy direction, and a wayward tone that feels neither right for audiences or children or a blend of the two, Dear Santa is a unique failure of a film on nearly every front, and it’s up there with the worst of 2024. It’s painfully unfunny, emotionally catatonic, and feels like it was written by ChatGPT. Nothing about this has any sense of humanity or heart; it’s a decent looking box that’s both empty and shallow. I’m not sure how anybody involved could honestly look themselves in the mirror and think they were making anything worthwhile. It’s dull and void. Oops, I meant null.

The premise is simple: A young boy named Liam (Robert Timothy Smith) makes a typo while writing his Santa letter, and instead gets a visit from the underworld by way of “Satan” (Jack Black). Satan grants Liam three wishes if he can therefore possess his soul and the kindhearted Liam agrees. As a sixth grader, Liam has to deal with bullies and boring teachers and trying to woo his crush, yet none of that matters more than trying to help out his family after a great loss. And that’s all I have to say about the plot this one digs for itself.

Liam’s best friend Gibby (Jaden Carson Baker) is made into a visual punchline most of the time, which aligns with Bobby Farrelly’s outdated sense of humor. Most of the film finds Jack Black prancing around doing poor and uninspired improv; even though his physical comedy is still impressive, he just feels like he’s playing himself, only lowering his register when Satan decides to get serious. He’s loud and obnoxious. As for the rest of the cast, Post Malone is somehow the only person who gives a believable performance. The parents are downright atrocious, and while I might sound like a Scrooge for saying this, the young man who plays Liam has no idea how to emote to the camera. He’s playful and always game in the big moments, which tells me that his struggles are more on the lack of helpful direction than they are his talent, but it’s simply still so below average.

Dear Santa follows the Farrelly brothers handbook closer than I expected. Of course there’s a concert scene shot on a shoestring budget. Of course there’s a big holiday carnival. Of course Liam is more concerned with securing a kiss than he is with possessing his soul for eternity. Of course a gag involves explosive diarrhea. And just when you think the movie is somehow running long, it gives itself the space to become even more ridiculous, ending with a twist that’s equivalent to a squirt of lemon juice straight to the eye. Don’t waste your time or energy; there are better ways of spending your time this holiday season. I absolutely hated how this movie wrapped its unearned messaging; it may be fragile but there’s no need for it to be handled with care. To the garage sale box it goes.

“Oh, that’s putrid.”

Rating: 1 out of 5